Okay so I had this journal for a long time, I decided to move to a different blogginh account just simply for a change of pace. With the recent changes in my life I've decided to transit my journal keeping hobby to another place. For those that care to know I am now over here:

http://zorahurston60.wordpress.com/

a slightly more modified blog, but still have familiar iconic me stuff in it.

bye.

anyway people have been getting on my nerves at work. Matt is a fuckin' homo. Steve is busy jacking around, getting into all sorts of trouble and god knows what else since he got a job, Gerson got banned from visiting the campus i work at and is working in the school next to mine, busy studying for 6 classes this semester and attending to his new girlfriend. Kameron, quit and is going to Texas State fulltime. Laura is going to UTSA but at different hours, cuz she quit the summer program. ANdrew is busy being a little bitch and getting clingy and demanding with me for no apparent reason, I'm not even his girlfriend I don't have to answer to him. Work blows, school, is blah. SInce I transfered to UTSA as a junior you;d think the courses would be a little... i don't know challenging, or harder to do. So now i'm bored, pissed off about work, i have no one to hang out with because everyone is busy except me. So i guess i just feel left behind. well i bought a truck, its blue dodge ram. I want to trade it in sometime and maybe buy a nitro. I also want to see the movie 310 to Yuma.

Last Friday, after work we visited Marisa in the hospital, as we come home, I get a call from Steve, he tells me how grateful he is for everything that I do for him and other random shit. He sounded high, technically he was, he took some codene I gave him for his ear ache and over did it with the dosage, a little. It was a weird conversation, we jumped from one topic to the next, in a matter of seconds. Disconjointed, tolerable, and I was still entertained.

Saturday, Andrew almost hits an old man with his suburban, while we cruised around the quarry parking lot, being indecisive, and last minute. We go to Gap and I buy some clothes and we sorta drive around some more. until our next class. My mom picks me up afterwards and goes to the comissary, while I sleep in the van, I get another phone call from Steve, and he's upset his truck broke down and almost crying on the phone, feeling like the end is near because it's going to cost him even more, and he has no money right now. I empathize with him, to an extent. I offer him some good advise, and basically told him, he'll live, everyone gets into a situation that sets them back and makes them sturggle but just to figure out a way to surpass it. I don't know if he took anything I said to heart, he may have, he's an adult he can make his own decisions, hope for the best.

Sunday, made an attempt to go visit Moose, had to bargain like crazy to get the truck for the day. The weather sucked, Gerson wasn't home, Andrew was working so I took a detour to Steve's house, sat on the bed with him and his brother watched The Jerk, on their one good TV, and ate the best dinner I've ever had, when their mom got home. I got home later that evening and watched another movie, You Me and Dupree. Meh, it was so so, it really wasn't that funny to me. I don't like romantic comedies that much anyway. Talked with Andrew on the phone for an hour or so. And that's all I can remember for now.

My bracelet broke yesterday, I was mad and took it out on Steve. But I never stay angry for too long. Eventually I started talking to him again. Tonight I go to NIOSA.

I want a margarita....

I'm getting real sick of coughing you up. You make my chest hurt, and my voice raspy and aged. I think you should leave.


My cold/allergy attack feels like it's getting worse. I should do something about that.

Last weekend my face hurt, was dry, and peeling, I looked like a reptile. Afterschool, I went with Andrew to the Paladium, paid for expensive deserts and saw Blades of Glory. Sunday afternoon I went with Steve and his brother brian to the Americana party/ festival. I was feeling sick and he was tired from doing three gigs in a row, so we danced to only a few songs. IT was a lot of fun.

Last night I went to a death metal concert with Andrew. I saw Stone Sour and other bands play at the Jagermeister Music tour.


i was fairly close to the stage area, I just have a crappy camera phone. It was so much fun! I felt angry and happy all at the same time. Well, a little angry because Steve pissed me off earlier that day acting like an ass.

SPeaking of which, I called him earlier today, right after I woke up to talk to him and almost screwed up everything, by making it worse. But I apologized nonetheless, even if he is a prideful ass and didn't.

But who cares, I went to a concert got a little buzzed and am fairly a happy person.

Well, last Monday, I went to pick up my cap and gown, and currently compiling a list of adresses to mail invitations to. Son of a bitch, I lost the tassel that came in the package. Fuck, we had to go reorder another one.

Thursday, I went to walmart to buy easter eggs and candy, so the kids at the after school care can have easter egg hunts. I hid them so well, that more kids during the school day found a few left behind, on Monday. Last week Steve was being a little bitch. He was moody most of the week.

Friday, Andrew comes over and we go to HEB shopping for junk food and just load up on chips, dip, coke, ice cream candy and asian food. WE sit on our fat asses and watch movies the whole day. The Departed, Flyboys, and Thank you for Smoking. He had to leave to meet some friends to watch Grind House. Steve calls and he doesn't sound very happy. Something happened and I could tell something wasn't right, so he tells me his problems and conflicts with his family. That's fine at least he stopped being so grumpy with me at work now.

Saturday, I babysat Megan, the weather was shit, Steve calls because he things he may not make it back from Marian, and wanted to call me before he left, I call Gerson after I get home and he wants to go out and eat, but instead we eat dinner I cooked at my house, and go to HEB to and buy a dozen donuts for the hell of it. We come back and watch Superman Returns, and I fall asleep next to him on the couch with the cat. I felt really bad when I woke up and saw only the last 15 minutes of the movie. He left around 1am.

Sunday, my relatives want to go out and eat at Zios, so we do for Easter. Steve calls me to tell me he survived the trip and talks about the bar they played at for a while. My mom starts to piss me off, nagging at me about the laundry.

Monday, My face hurts, Its dry peeling, and stings when I move my jaw I think I'm allergic to the sun. I get into an explosive fight with my mother that's so bad it carries over to the next day.

Today, the fight continued. Steve picks me up from my house and we hang out at his house for a while before going to work.

Over all everything didn't turn out so bad today either. Everyone seems to be very calm and sedated. More like exhausted. I had very little sleep last night and now have dark circles under my eyes. dammit.

For just a moment I thought I was going to get fired from work. Which, really wouldn't bother me too much. But jus the rejective act in it's self makes you feel depressed. But I wasn't. HA-ha! You can suck it Kelly! You tried but didn't succeed. Because you're a whiny crazy bitch! You can never defeat me because I can write a better statement then you can! Trailer Trash WHore! I knew my ninja like writing skills would come in handy. Proofreading helps you guys, seriously.

A discorded time line of events
Well Last week I've been taking Steve with me to work. Last Saturday, I went with Laura to KAtrina's to watch Steve's band play, and get harassed by his thirty year old cousin. Sunday, I talked to Andrew on the phone most of the day. during last week, Gerson's dog died, Steve's cat died, and the past Saturday, I went out with Gerson to see 300 again, ate at Zios and had a couple of margarita's with him. We went to his house, so he could get his soccer clothes for SUnday. I came home around 1am. But last Friday, I got busted by my mom for being somewhere I wasn't suppose to be and she's been taking me to work and every else I've had to go this week.

Monday I talked to ANdrew again on the phone. Tuesday, Gerson came over to my house and he took me to work. We ate ice cream, Steve's dog died Thursday, Wednesday I went out with Steve after work, came home 2 minutes late and my mother throughs a fit, I talk to Gerson on the phone. Thursday Bobo dies I talk to ANdrew on the phone for 3 hours. Today we saw Happy Feet at work. ANd it's been raining. And I'm tired. Good night.

I had plans! My mom's being a bitch, Laura's toooo tired and Gerson's dog died today all within an hour of each occurrance! So now I can't go to Double Ds. No green booze for me, and my mother is capricious. Today sucks. I am not in a good mood. I just finished 2 more cups of coffee i'm in a better mood, but it's still a bad mood nonetheless. This sucks!

Anywho,
Tuesday night I went with ANdrew to a spurs game, despite the weather and my mother's paranoia, Wednesday night I went with ANdrew again to see 300, which was a last minute plan. My mother bitched even more so telling me I'm going out too much. Right now I am so mad at her, she can suck it!
Thursday I don't even remember what i did Thursday. Friday went to home depot bought a new toliet seat and installed it today. I feel mildly accomplished.

I kinda want to buy my dad's blue truck. I don't know if I can, but i'd like to. SInce I'm not making a great deal of money.

This really blows.

Yesterday, I went to school and skipped speech. I probably shouldn't be jacking around like that but I just didn't feel like going. I stayed in the library surveying different books on biblical history. Sitting in the back, shoes off and my stuff scattered around in that one aisle. I felt like my old curious self again. I miss that.

Steve is an immature ass. I realized that talking to him tonight on the phone. But I can understand his fantastic high expectations on what he hopes to accomplish in his life, without working too hard at it. I used to be so fanciful like that when I was just out of high school. A part of me is pissed at him for wasting my minutes with such crap, and another part of me is patient and understanding, for all I know he may not have someone who wants to listen.

I feel sick. My stomache hurts and hearing him on the phone didn't make it any better.

On an occasion when I stare off into space, and I'm out in public watching people walk around with or without a purpose I'll feel for a moment like I'm losing my mind. And this feeling is occurring a little more frequently, especially when I start paying attention and see people act so fuckin' stupid.

Dammit my stomache hurts so bad right now.

I'd like to buy the blue truck that my parents have. Since they don't want it anymore.

I really don't feel well right now.

My week was productive sorta. I can't recall too much, because I'm tired today and I had trouble sleeping last night and I couldn't take a nap because my parents like to walk in my room move stuff around or wake me up. So I give up. Thursday I go out all day with my aunt and my mother feels left out but they like to go antique shopping, I don't care to follow them around, but my mother hates that so I really don't know what her problem was. Steve calls and we meet at Northwoods to go out somewhere. We go to the movies and watch Ghost Rider, after eating at some chinese buffet. Gerson calls me somewhere in that time frame to see if I'll go buy booze for him but I call him back too late. Steve takes me back to my house and we stay and talk with my mom for a while and he leaves @ around 11:15pm, I call Gerson back and ask what his massive evil plan was, he of course doesn't really have one. I call Moose after a half hour of Gerson not making up his mind.

Friday arrives and my mother decides to load me up with chores to do @ 8am! afterwards, further chaos insues due to Gerson, not making his mind up about Costco. I buy over 200 dollars worth of liquor for the retard. Afterwards We visit the Alamo, eat @ Boudro, we try to go see The Aztec on the RIver. End up shopping for me, Moose didn't seem to mind. We leave and end up going down I35 because I have no sense of direction and we finally get to my house an hour later! Then my mom decides to complain about me to Moose. That of course, always makes me feel good. I stay up working on my speech which, I don't get a chance to do on Saturday. Andrew calls and we meet at The Cheesecake Factory, of course he takes me to our ballroom class, we're an hour late. We both come in and the instructor asks why we're late, he says he woke up late, and I said my mother dropped me off late. He just looks at us both, probably thinking we really slept together because I have no make up on and our hair was a mess because we had the windows down in his suburban and we ran to class. Screw him! he doesn't even like me to begin with. But poor ANdrew because he's one of his favorites, guilty by association, you know. After class mom takes me home, and I take a shower and get ready to go out to Twin Sisters Dance hall with my AUnt to go see Steve play. We get there early and I meet his cousins, and other assorted random people. And my uncle liked it there but my aunt seemed to be uncomfortable so we left around 10:30 or so. I go to see Steve play for a while we got there early, so I didn't see them do any of their solos or anything like that. But it was a lot of fun for me. I wake up early, because my mom's capricious, I had to stay home to take careof the horse, I find out I really didn't have to because she got back home on time and I could have gone to the movies with my AUnt to see 300, dammit if I'm going to have to stay awakw I could have done something besides watching documentaries on Satan for the next three hours! I hadto drink two cups of coffee consecutively, just to be awake for all of this. I feel tired cranky and pissed right now, because I can't sleep.

Seriously, that bastard better call me either tonight or early tomorrow morning or there'll be hell to pay. I went through too much damn drama today with my mother to not deserve a day out of the damn house and right now he's my golden ticket. He better fuckin' call.


Anyway, I cleaned out the entire inside of my truck. Even though I can't use it cuz its leaking something. So I'm happy doing this because it's keeping me busy. My aunt calls and asks about Twin Sisters Saturday and I'm talking to her and my mother starts making faces. After the phone call, my mother has a mental breakdown and starts rampaging around the house saying she feels excluded by everyone and that she's leaving for good. Blah Blah Blah. I've sort of blocked it out of memory all I remember doing is sitting in front of a locked bedroom door, telling her she's important and that Mabel is inconsiderate and continues to be that way until the end of time. I'm not leaving far and away, or plan to marry anyone, so no worries.

It takes her the whole fuckin' day to calm down and realize how crazy she was! THE WHOLE DAY. Do you have any idea what I could have been doing today? Do you!? I could have finished all my chores and left to the movies with Andrew by mid afternoon, because he called earlier to see what I was doing, and I would have don more chores afterwards so I could spend all day tomorrow out of the house just jacking around with Steve on the Ranch probably learning something about hunting or peacock raising.

But that may not even happen because he hasn't called me yet, and it's pissing me off because I had to put up with Hydra locked away in her cave bemoaning about how miserable she is and destorying furniture.

That schmuck better call me tomorrow, so I can bitch him out. Gotta take it out on someone right?

Sorry, I promised a part 2 but a day late. Anyway, where was I? OH yeah! Now I remember, On Wednesday, Steve gave me a gift. I think it was one of the few thoughtful gifts I've recieved from a friend. IT was the complete Invader Zim TV series! That show is so awesome! I was so excited I watched one episode before going to bed that night. I haven't watched any others though, because I'm waiting for the chance to watch it with Steve, hopefully he'll think its as funny as I do.

Let's see, Steve had to leave Lydia's house Saturday evening and he left his gloves there so I took them home. Did I mention Leah brought me a gift? She did although wasn't very thoughtful but still it's a gift. It included a picture of us with our group of friends Sophomore year in high school. Damn I was fat. We came home about 8pm and I didn't go to sleep until 1 am because I have terrible sleeping habits and it's pissing me off!

Sunday was the Christmas Eve party at my Grandmother's house. It didn't get interesting for me until a second cousin started making pina coladas, and another second cousin brought booze. I started talking to a third cousin of mine after that and she thought I looked like I was 17....God I hate that so much...She was nice and she kept telling me I reminded her of Dane cook...I don't like his comedy too much, so I was mildly offended by that comment. We finally came home at 11pm and I didn't go to bed until 1am but I couldn't sleep, I just layed in bed and then I fell asleep what felt like an hour later Goddammit. Although in summary, I wasn't into this one too much even with the beer. I don't know it felt redundant you know, and brief moment while in mid conversation, I thought about Steve, it was weird, I don't know why, but for a few seconds my mind wondered while I was talking, and I zoned out and then snapped back into the present, damn tequilla got to me is what it was.

Monday, Christmas day, I wake up at around 11am with a slight headache and I felt like I had a million fishing weights hanging off of my pjs, I could barely walk to the cabinet for some asprin, which was a bad idea because my stomach was upset too. I gave my parents their gifts and drank two cups of coffee, because I had to help mommy dearest in the Kitchen to prepare for another party. This one was a little more boring then the night before. I got to meet my cousin's foreign girlfriend, who probably is with him only for a green card. We had relatives over until 10:30pm. But I have to clean up you see. So I stayed up until midnight and I felt a little sleepy.

Tuesday I had a doctors appointment, they poked at me, made me grumpy, gave me a shot, arm aches, still grumpy, and then mom feels bad takes me shopping to Rolling Oaks and I buy some clothes at Express. Not so grumpy, but still a little grumpy. We get home, I'm grumpy, my dad tries to tease me and that pisses me off, so I take an angry nap for an hour. I wake up on the couch I had a lucid dream. Around this time Steve returns my call, so I talk to him for almost 2 hours. I don't feel so grumpy now that I got to talk to some one today, I was feeling a little happy afterwards. My mom starts acting like a bitch and tells me to hang up cause she wants to sleep. But the thing is I have my door closed and it's my phone! I comply nonetheless because she's my mother. And it only adds to this growing desire to find a better job and move out. But i'm not ready yet. And then I fold a few more sets of clothes after 10 minutes and then something happens. I feel tired, and I went to bed at 11:30that night. And I really slept. Maybe my body does this weekly because I'm banking up on sleep you know.

Wednesday, I wake up at 8am call Steve, let him know what time to come over my house and then do chores. My lips were chapped and I bled on my pillow, So i had to wash that. Steve came over around 1pm and helps me put away the Christmas decorations, that was fun. I tease him a little, he brought a Christmas present for my family, it's really cool it's a hollowed out tree trunk for smashing pecans and stuff. He made it, I thought that was like the coolest thing ever! My mom really liked it because she eats pecans. I wanna know how to do that. We go outside to put away more Christmas lights and jack around some more while we're out there he climbs the tree partially to get the lights, and for a few seconds hangs off the branch like a sloth. So his new nick name is lemur Steve. I know a lemur isn't a sloth, but it sounds for a better nickname anyway. And somewhere along the line I get into an argument with my mother over the horse's stall. I later say sorry and stuff and we're good now. We all went to the movies including Steve, and saw Apocalpto, the longest movie ever! But I liked it, the blood, guts, gore, and unnecessary acts of violence and savagery, it was great! Afterwards, we went to Barnes and Noble Starbucks store thing. Steve and I had a little tiff in the front of the line making everyone behind us wait. Getting our coffee, we walked around the bookstore, and Steve starts finding people he knows from...well where ever he knows them from...he knows a lot of people. I'm started to get tired so I'll end this two parter here. Like anyone reads this anyway. I think I'm just doing this so I can be tired and go to sleep, and sleep peacefullt like I did last night and the night before.

The last couple of days have been a blur of happy images. I can't even focus on any one event because at the same time I'll think of other occurances and its just layers of content and joyful memories. I don't even know where to start. But I'll try...

Kelly was neurotic on Wednesday. But we gave the kids a party. I dropped Steve off at his house and stayed for a while. Thursday I went shopping with Dad for mom's christmas presents and afterwards I called Steve to come over and bring his Dvd, Pirates of the Carribean part 2, or something like that. My mother was getting all pissed off with my behaivor, because I was making comments and asking questions, even though she saw the movie in theaters, acting like she didn't telling me to shut up. Steve didn't seem to mind my yammering, he may have hid it well. Kudos, not many people can pull that off and look natural. Afterwards he screwed a thumb rest onto his bass and he wanted to see my violin and wanted me to play something. I was a little embarrassed because I remember very little and tried to play segments of music I could remember. It was pretty awful but he didn't mind much. After he left, I called him and we talked on the phone from 11pm to 3 am. I don't think I have ever talked that long on the phone with anyone, I have a short attention span in most cases and can usually last maybe an hour. But it was great. I was so tired and just staring at the ceiling but we just kept talking, about anything. Anything that came to our latent and tired minds. Crazy good yeah?

Friday, Steve came over to work for my mom for a couple of hours, than I started getting text messages from Gerson and a phone call from Leah. Steve had to leave early to tend to his mom, and then little Emily had to be babysat by my mother. I talked with Gerson on the phone originally asking him how his trip to Katy went, and this new girl he's seeing. After a while he argued for 15 minutes. Joked for 15 minutes. Then I just talked about anything, and we argued again for another 15 minutes finally, I got a little tired and started talking about his hair smelling like day old hair gel and then we argued about that for 10 minutes and then I offered him advise on how to fix that and then told him he sounds like a homo on the phone, so we argued some more. After that he just started laughing, and I have no idea why. I used my mother's phone because my minutes on my phone didn't start until 9pm, so I waited to call Steve back. We talked for a little over an hour because my mother is a pain in the ass and wanted me to pay attention to her since she had to entertain Emily and not me.

Saturday, Steve calls me and asks if Lydia needed him to work and she did. I stayed home to do chores because I was intending to go have coffee with Leah. The weather sucked and my mom offers to take me to Lydia's house because Steve seemed a little blue, she says and thought if I came over he would be happy. So I got dressed and went ended up cancelling my coffee plan with Leah who was still determined to see me and asked for directions to Lydia's house, while we were busy with her Christmas tree. In the end all it took was Steve screwing the tree stand into the tree, in about 3 seconds. We wasted about an hour before hand. But I had fun. Leah comes over and acts reclusive so I asked if she wanted to help decorate the tree, she does for a little while. Steve starts asking her questions making her mad and I'm loving every second of it. My dad comes over to fix Lydia's new TV and it ends up being Leah and my dad trying to get a signal on Lydia's LCD TV and me and Steve hanging ornaments on the tree with EMily in the background chattering at us to finish. I really had fun that day. Despite Leah's odd behaivor, I enjoyed working on that damn tree. I'm getting really tired right now so I'll finish writing about everything tomorrow. Damn

Thursday Steve picked me up sometime after work to go play pool with him and his buddies well I thought maybe a few of his friends. But to him a few is a whole entrouage. I'm not very good at pool but it was fun. I thought maybe his friends would be reclusive and cloister among themselves because it turns out I was the only chick there. But it was all cool. They're real laid back. I joked with them and was teasing Danny and Brian (Steve's little brother). After about three games we just jacked around and I started smearing baby powder on Steve's face and while my back was turned he squirted some on my back so I didn't know until he told me and brushed it off apologizing. We switched clothes so I went home with his flannel shirt under my hoodie and didn't notice until I was in my bedroom.

Friday I woke up late told Gerson to rent a movie did chores and I gave Steve his fannel shirt back at work. Then asked him to pick out the glitter he put in my hair from the day before. We're sitting in his van and I can't help but feel like a monkey being video taped on the discovery channel as he's sifting through my thick hair finding the glitter pieces. I almost fell asleep. I drove home and took a nap. Woke up and couldn't go back to sleep until 1 am.

Saturday he came over to work for my mom and I went to babysit megan. I made only $15. He hung out at my house for the rest of the day. I decided to teach him the Rhumba out on my back porch, bare foot and cold with a random tejano song playing on the radio I had a lot of fun. We watched Zoolander afterwards and then sat in his van waiting for it to warm up joking, talking, and wrestling while my dog fell alseep on the van floor. He left almost at midnight. I fell alseep at 1 am again. Had a rough sleep and had about 4 different dreams.

Today- Woke up late, got yelled at to do chores did the chores. Cleaned the entire bathroom. We showed the house to some old man who had only a ring of hair hanging off his head. Took a shower. Took a nap and I probably won't go back to sleep again until 1 am since obviously it's my destiny to do so. Dammit.

She just has to give me her two cents! Could not miss an opportunity to get after me. It’s what she’s been waiting to do ever since she got back from the nuthouse. Fuck her! I still don’t trust her.

Anywho, Steve had to leave early today, so I was kinda blue I don’t know why, maybe because I’m used to him always being there or something, I don’t know. I’d really like to call and talk to him tonight to hear about how much fun he had at church. But I can’t, he’ll probably be home too late, and I have a final I’ve got to take care of. Gerson was pissing me off because we weren’t really talking more like arguing while we were outside. He calls me difficult. That’s okay too. I can change that anytime I want. But Kelly is still fat and crazy and no one can change that.

I still have to finish my final so I can turn it in tomorrow. Dammit. I really don’t want to do it.

First a recap of the past three days. Wednesday, I felt like crap. I had a mild head cold, cramps, lack of sleep, took pain killers, all this misery balled up on me so I was really out of it at work for almost 2 hours. Gerson decided to be nice to me that day, I eventually pulled myself out of it and started feeling better after playing in the gym. That wasn't too bad.

Thursday, Steve came over to work for my mom and Lydia. After work we sat in my truck waiting for his van to warm up. And we had one of the most hilarious conversations. I can't remember what it was about! But I remember laughing a lot. Meh.

Friday, Steve came over to give me a dancing lesson. That was a lot of fun. A little scary at first because I'm not used to someone dipping and swinging me around like that. But what a head rush man! I think we're working on the two step and three step, because I'm still having trouble keeping time and I kept stepping on his feet. I'm getting better with the swing style but I still need to work on that too. After work I invited him over for dinner and to shovel shit with me in my horse's stall. ANd then I accidentally kicked him in the private. I was stepping over this horizantal pole, wearing rubber boots, and my ankle got snagged on something (turns out to be Steve's balls, as I lifted my leg it was between his legs) So I yanked my leg to me, and heard him make painful noises, crouching to the ground. I felt so bad, I kept apologizing and asking if he was alright.

Saturday was the best though. I went out christmas shopping with mom, and fighting people for parking. At least, she wanted to. She was a little bitchy to me complaining about everything. She hates christmas shopping, I love it though, see where the conflict is? Yeah, anyway, that wasn't the best part. I went dancing at Gruene Hall. It was so much fun! Steve's friends were so nice to me. I started to get better the longer I danced. Steve was twirling me all over the place, and the blood rush to my head everytime he dipped me was so awesome. IT was a good weird feeling I got. I danced with his other friends too, Chris, Sean, Steve's brother Brian. We played pool somewhere in the night, but I remember the dancing the most. Although I'm sure that I was very horrible at it, his friends didn't seem to mind. I only had 20 more minutes before I had to leave, I told Steve and we kept dancing until I had to leave. I really wished I could have stayed but my mother was tired and i had to drive us back home. I had so much fun! I hope I can do that again sometime.

Today, I have to study for two finals coming up next week. Totally sucks, I really dont' want to do any college work right now. Dammit

she is! Totally pissed me off today at work. And I was having fun too but since she wasn't happy to begin with I guess she goes out of her way to make me miserable. That's fine. She's a crazy bitch. We all helped her unload her trash out of her truck. I stayed behind with Steve afterwards because it takes a while for his van to warm up. We sat in my truck talking and joking around and stuff. And my paranoid mother kept calling me asking when I'll be home. TOday wasn't so bad. ANyway I'm trying to study for a final tomorrow morning and burning some CDs for Steve.

I went with my mother to Gruene yesterday. WE visited some of the little shops and met her friends there. I had half a mind earlier that day just to not go. I don't know, I wasn't all that excited about shopping for christmas presents like I used to be. Maybe it's the tight budget I now have. But that's never stopped me before. I don't know. I just didn't care much for going out. Anyway afterwards we rushed home later that night because some relatives came over from Mexico to visit. Drove to the CHeesecake factory, socialized, and went window shopping. Then we went home. I was tired.

I feel tired. I don't know why. I fell alseep past 1am again. I'm back to restless sleep again. Doesn't that age you? You know not getting enough sleep? Why the hell can't I sleep! THis is pissing me off. I want this bad habit to go away. I'm home doing absolutely nothing. I should be doing chores and being a responsibly member of the family, contributing my share of "must be dones" as my father would say.

But I won't.

Well, Gerson announces next semester he won't be able to work the first 2 hours on two days of the week. Which means Elaine will probably hire a new person to fill that gap and this is only if Gerson decides to stay with us but he may not. Not that I would blame him. The pay isn't great. ON the side note. I am feeling the check book blues man. I hope we get advance pay on the last day of work before the holidays that would help me cover not only just bills but I can actually buy presents for everyone.

I also can't find my journal. A little brown book where I write down my thoughts before I begin writing my essays, stories, and poetry. It's like my warm up lap. I really am convinces my mother took it to read assuming its a real journal where I write down how I feel or some stupid crap like that.

So far I finished my assignments before or on time. So far it wasn't very hard. Last night I played pool w/Steve for about 15 minutes. Because my mother was being a paranoid bitch. I only type such things if it accurately describes how she is. Hopefully, now that she knows where it is she won't worry so much. Anyway it was 15 minutes of fun. I am an awful pool player poor Steve, he was probably glad it was only for 15 minutes. So far everything at work is going well. I threw dodge balls at Steve, alot.

So far I've been losing more weight. I am now 126! 3 months ago I was 145! Almost 20 pounds. Hopefull I don't screw that up either among other things. So now I fit in a size 6! I'm so happy.

IT actually wasn't too bad. But I felt like I had ADD man. I couldn't focus on jack shit! I was thinking a million different worries at the same time and now I have to talk to my phone company and ask them why the fuck is my bill so high. I hate Sprint they lie! Damn Bastards. And then I had some personal issues that croppped up this weekend too. ('tis impolite to indulge on such travesties on the internet) Anyway I was ready to burst. I needed someone to talk too to help me out like it was serious crap and I felt lost, desperate and didn't know what to do. So I talked to my mother. I don't necessarily like the things she says to me but I do appreciate it when she does, most times. Anyway everything's cool for the most part. I feel a whole hell of a lot better. And I feel a little tired maybe I'll sleep better tonight.

After that, Steve called. More jokes, perveted innuendos, head colds and anything else we felt like talking about for about 15 minutes his brother needed the line.

Now my real worry is getting my bill amended.

Goddammit.

Bored out of my mind right now. I had restless sleep again. So far that's starting to become a part of my dysfunctional routine. Maybe it's a sign. I'm drinking coffee right now so I can get to this stupid essay. I'm exceptionally resistant with this one for some reason. I feel like I could do better things with my time. But what else is there? Chores? That's all I seem to be doing everyday, this endless cycle of chores. Sometimes I won't even think about it and zone out and find myself doing dishes and not even realize it.

Gerson's right I am a loser.

We had our dinner at the Hilton again. It wasn't so bad. Although I could do with a little more wine...I don't like being with the relatives too much. Braggarts, pretenders, superfical and lame. I had the best rasberry moose cake ever!!!!! It was soooo good. Then we went to go see a movie, Casino Royale typical James bond movie, it wasn't so bad either. My mother turned to ask my dad a question about the movie, when some crazy old man sitting in front of us turned around and said, "Are you going to be talking during the entire movie?" my mother surprised replied, "I'm sorry?" "Yes well you should be old enough to know how to act in a theatre." "Oh okay I'm sorry"
I turned to mom and told her to let it go and that either he was crazy, or he was drunk because, you could hear people talking every else in the theatre and a child running around in the back row, whining. WE went to starbucks afterwards, my AUnt felt bad for forgetting my birthday, and gave me 20 bucks. YAY! money. We came home at around 8pm and my dad calls his family to wish them a happy thanksgiving so the line is tied up and I couldn't use the internet until now. I'm a little tired. But for some reason I can't sleep. I feel anxiety, I didn't drink any coffee at Starbucks, but I can't quite get myself to feel sleepy. Maybe I'm developing insomonia like my dad.

Last night I talked to Steve for about two hours and then Gerson decides to call me about a particular conversation he had with someone and wanted to know what I thought about it. That was about an additional two hours. I tried to help him the best I could but even I have my limitations, my own battles to fight. I tried nonetheless. I offically went to bed at 1 but didn't sleep until 2. Today I watched my mother ride today and asked Steve if he wanted to come along that was a lot of fun. The best conversation by far today, happened in the truck coming from HEB. It's been too long since I laughed so hard. I called Gerson back to see if he got the classes he wanted. And now i have to submit my homework. I had a lot of fun today.

Today was a good day.

Sunday I talked to Steve on the phone for hours. Afterwards I still couldn't sleep. I had this feeling of anxiety. I felt like I was expecting something to happen. And it did.

Kelly returned from the nuthouse. Great. She seemed a little too happy you know. Started talking about medications with me and wanting to buy my house.

She tried to sound vexed when she saw me and Gerson sitting on the same bench but we were facing the kids on the playground and watching them. We talked of course, but we're adults we can talk if we want.

I talked to Steve again tonight for another hour and a half. I could here him playing the bass while we were talking. He was mad at his mother. We started this long sporadic conversation about music. THat was nice. He played a few chords of whatever songs he knew for me. ANd then my mother decided to be a bitch and yelling at me to watch this instructional horse program because she didn't want to record it for me. THat agitated me and Steve sounded really tired so we hung up (in my opinion on a bad note becasue my mother was pissing me off). damn her! And she started scolding me like a child because she was so determined to make me watch that goddamn show!

Today was still pretty good.

I still can't sleep.